6 Ways to Deal With Sexist Comments at Work -The Muse

6 Ways to Deal With Sexist Comments at Work -The Muse6 Ways to Deal With Sexist Comments at WorkHave you heard that women are bad at computers? Have you heard it at work? What, are you offended? Dont get hysterical, sweetheart.Yeah, we hate that, too.The best way to deflect, call out, and combat those small little sexist comments in the workplace is to have a plan- and maybe to practice a little in yur mirror.Obviously, we cant solve sexism in one article, but the principle here is harm reduction- if you have better tools to deal with 50% of the sexist comments in your life, you live a better life.Here are six ideas.1. Practice Your Bemused and Dismissive ReactionImagine you are babysitting. A 10-year-old boy shouts, I SAW BOOBIESIs that sexist, exactly? I mean, its certainly gendered. And its immature. Hilariously immature. But you dont feel threatened by it- and you certainly dont feel the need to make an argument (while also feeling helpless- the effing worst).Instead, you look at this kid like hes ridiculous. You maybe laugh a little bit- while rolling your eyes. You might say, Thats not appropriate, or just Yeah, thats nice, buddy.Some comments deserve to be reported to HR. But sometimes thats not a great option. Sometimes the person making the comments deserves a playful- and yet condescending- mocking.Did you just say that...in a meeting? Tone it down, buddy. Look at some other people on the team like, Get a load of this guy. Lock him out. Hes ridiculous. Move on. Youre the adult here.Related How to Be a Feminist in the Workplace2. Volley Back the Usual, Predictable AttacksAre you pretty sure someone is about to call you emotional? (Quoth Rachel Maddow My passion on this issue is actually me making a factual argument.)Or perhaps someone seems this close to calling you hysterical or shrill. You sound hysterical is a bomb that can only be used once in an argument. If a man says, Youre getting hysterical, you cant actually respond, You tooSo go there. Go th ere first. Max, youre getting emotional. Lets get back to the issuewhether we should go with Vendor X or Vendor Y.Sexist dudes love it when you call them emotionalThis isnt just a rhetorical trick- entitlement, egoism, and an irrational desire to dominate your team members are all emotions. Men who call you emotional are often quite emotional themselves. Bigotry itself comes from a place of deep emotion. Related When Men Are Too Emotional to Have a Rational Argument3. Point Out When Someone Calls You SweetheartSometimes, a sexist encounter isnt a drawn-out argument- its just a throwaway comment. Nice work, sweetheart.Again, act like these old, sexist ways are an exotic foreign culture with which you are unfamiliar.A head-on option Ha, do you call all the junior developers sweetheart? I want to personenname that row of desks over there sweetheart alley. Ha, George and Iftikhar probably wont appreciate that.Or Sweetheart? Its a good thing Im not a sweetheart, or nothing would be getti ng done in my departmentAnother option Ha, sweetheart. Thats funny, its like me calling you Ulysses S. Grant, or a tree.4. Call it Out DirectlyBut From a Place of Being on the Same TeamThe above techniques may not be a great idea with your babo (although some higher-ups who are deliberately needling you will actually respect you more if you push back).Sometimes, the right move is to directly call out a sexist comment, but from the perspective of being on the speakers side, and wanting to do good business.For instanceOoh, it kind of sounds like youre calling our women customers dumb- its a good thing the rest of the team wasnt aroundHe replies What, are you offended?It does hurt my feelings (I can imagine myself making an exaggerated sad face here- you know, joking-not-joking.) But Im glad you didnt say that in front of the team Kind of a morale-killer. Maybe instead we should say something like...5. Pretend You Dont Get itand Make Them ExplainCalling a sexist man hysterical provides a certain patriarchy-quashing frisson, but, again- you really cant say that to your boss.In that case, respond to your boss sexist comments with feigned confusion.Wait, what are you saying about women and driving? Get your pen ready as though youre about to take notes on an important business point your boss was making.It was just a joke. You know, women drivers....Blank, expectant lookYou know, women cant drive. Just a joke.Oh, okay. Ive never heard that. Just stare, pen poised, ready for the boss to get back on track.6. Blame it on Generational Differences (Oh, Burn)If your male boss is making the comments, hes probably kind of older, right? Say your boss implies that women are bad at math. You sayWait, what are you saying? Make sure your voice is totally neutralyou might as well be asking, What does this ancient hieroglyph mean?Dont get all feminist on me. I was just saying that being good at math is mostly a guy thing. You know.Give a confused look, and then shrug. Ha, at my sc hool we all had to take calculus to even think about getting into college. Must be a generational thing. Say it really cheerfullyyou just kind of called your boss old.Youre cool, hes cool. You respect generational differences- its all part of the beautiful tapestry of diversity. If he keeps at it, ask him some questions about what college was like back then. If he says his math classes were all guys, respond with amazement, as though he is telling you about riding a horse and buggy to school. Youre not offendedyoure enthralled by his stories about the olden days. If he tries to push your buttons, respond with, Wow, thats so interesting Things have changed so muchOf course, most real-life interactions along these lines are notably shorter. So just keep this in your arsenal Shrug Must be a generational thing. Like I said, none of these are going to smash the patriarchy with the sheer force of verbal repartee. And these strategies arent sufficient for sexual harassment, which is a crim ethey are intended for occasional, low-level comments that make your workplace unpleasant, but arent necessarily enough to go to HR about. (HR departments can vary wildly in how much they want to help you and how much they want to protect the company by making the problem go away.) And if comments like this are happening all the time, you might consider keeping records of your hostile work environment so youre ready should you decide to talk to HR or an attorney.That said, an occasional riposte for fairness and equality can really save your day, and even make your workplace a little better for the other women around you.